this pain...i dont think anyone really understands how much this pain is really killing me...not in a physical sence, but an emotional sence. i feel like i havent been happy in such a long time, i mean there are times when it seems im happy, but then i just snap out of it and go abck to my original self, and to tell you the thruth...i cant handle the way i feel any more. the new year started off relly crappy for me, my mom switched me to a new school my junior year, away from all my friends, to where i knew no one, and once i started to make friends my grades started to drop. when my grades dropped my mom n dad tried tellin me that i couldnt talk to or see my boyfriend anymore. now let me ask you this...how do they think they can keep me from the only person who actually makes me feel alive and like a person...the only one who can make me feel better whn im down, and the only one who keeps me living..he is the air i breath...thats be like them telling me that i cant drink any water, and i have to dehydrate until i shrivle up and die. so when they told me that i couldnt see him anymore i left...but thats not the only reason why i left there are many, that just pushed me off my edge. so after i left i went to a friends house and me n her got into a fight, so i went o my other friends house and stayed there for like 2 days but then her mom said she didnt want me there, so i FINALLY got a hold of Danai, and told him my situation, and he said for me to come live w him, so ive been here for about a month and a half, and it seems that things have been great...except for this pain...it still haunts me..wherever i go..whetever im doing...even when im sleeping...its there...its haunts my dreams at night..its like a demon has captured my soul and wont set me free until im at my final end and just snap...but heres the thing...i feel like i already have snapped...but then i have another burden...well not so much a burden..but im almost 18, well i'll be 18 in a month...and im carrying a nother living being in my womb...im not ready for this...im not ready to take on this kind of challenge..not emotionally or financially...i dont even go to school...how can i guide another being THAT CAME OUT OF ME to do the right thing, when i cant even guide myself to do the right thing...